How do you know if you are ready to be dating? You know you want o be in a relationship but are you really ready? In coaching, we help clients get ready to date rather than find the partner for them. Being ready for dating and relationships means to understand the purpose for wanting to be in a relationship. It’s a lot deeper than just wanting a partner.
Dating can be really great but also really painful emotionally. We need to be as ready and as prepared as we can be for the range of scenarios that occur during the dating process. When we are not ready to be dating, we lose motivation and negative self-talk sets in. Essentially, each person that rejects you is rejecting you, personally. Each person that likes you whom you don’t feel a connection with, affects your desires. Therefore, each time another date doesn’t go as you had hoped, you have to build back courage. You have to build your confidence and self-esteem all over again – and this gets exhausting.
Dating with a game plan – an actual plan of action, can help you manage the process a whole lot better than just hoping for the best at each swipe.
This is a difficult task. Asking yourself why you want to be in a relationship. To know if you’re ready to be dating, you need to know if there is a void within yourself that needs to be filled. It’s common for us to think that a relationship will make us whole or fix our problems. However, the truth is, we need to fix our own problems first. Otherwise, we’ll expect our partners to fix our issues and when they can’t, this leads to disfunction in the relationship.
I’m not saying that a relationship will not fill you up. If you know that you have ‘stuff’ you probably don’t take it into your relationships. However, if you think that the relationship will fill a void or fix your problems that’s when you need to see what you can do for yourself first. Perhaps it’s counselling, or learning to be alone. Whatever the case, in order to be ready to be dating, your self awareness is key. How would you like it if your partner expected you to fix all their problems?
When we look for others to make us happy, feel loved, feel confident etc we put an expectation on another which is unfair. If you aren’t able to do this for yourself your expectations of the other can get the better of you resulting in an unsuccessful relationship. How can you expect someone else to 1. know what to do and 2. be able to do it for you? It is essential to manage your expectations so that you can be successful in the dating process. Creating an action plan of the things that you can do for yourself will help you be more ready for dating. You will feel more self-confidence and your prospective partners are more likely to see this also.
It’s useful to take a step back from the dating process. You can then identify why you want to be in a relationship. This will help you do more for yourself so that when you meet a great person, you’re really ready to be dating.
Puja McClymont is a certified Life and Business Coach.
Puja helps empower high performers who are struggling with stress and anxiety to take back control of their career, health and relationships; guiding you towards achieving your goals by expanding your mindset to help you create the fulfilling life that you deserve.
Using a combination of therapies including NLP, CBT and Positive Psychology, Ayurvedic and Yogic principles of balance, wellbeing and spiritual enhancement.