Going ghost for a year

Going ghost for a year is about withdrawing from everyday life to solely focus on yourself. A kind of personal retreat, to retreat. A way to recalibrate, re-assess and re-organise what’s most important in your life.

After receiving Robin Sharma’s pre-ordered new book last month, when I finally opened the pages, I scurried through each chapter with excitement and hunger for my new lessons.

As I devoured the deep wisdom shared, one chapter, in particular, made me laugh out loud.

The chapter in question is titled “Go ghost for a year.”

The chapter made me laugh because before the book arrived, I’d suggested to my husband that I wanted to take some time away from work and other priorities and only focus on my health and their (my family’s) wellbeing. 

I decided to call this “quiet time.”

Going completely ghost for a year isn’t possible at present so “quiet time” is my way of creating the space I so desperately need. So that I can become the person I need to become to have the genuine fortune I currently most desire. I want to become my best. Profoundly improved.

Reasons for going ghost

The new baby was 6 months old and I was feeling weary in my bruised, battered and aching heavy body.

Exhausted and tired were the two main (boring but true) verbs in my vocabulary for what felt like years but was really only one year.

This fatigue meant that I was struggling to keep up with the demands of everyday life let alone the life that I had been trying to create for us.

I had not anticipated how much more of myself had to be given not only to the baby’s needs but to the needs of my immediate family, my parents, my in-laws, my friendships, my clients and finally, myself.

This wasn’t an equation I had expected to be experiencing given the 10 or so years I had spent learning to put myself first.

But here I was, last, again. Recovering from mental and physical trauma – for the second time with a child – and desperately trying to figure it all out.

Failure was my overwhelming feeling which led me to think that perhaps the dark shadow of post-natal depression was slowly beginning to envelop me.

Self-reflection for redirection

As a solutions-focused action-taker, I shared this with my husband and told him that I would speak with my health visitor to decipher if I was, in fact, moving into more treacherous terrain with my well-being.

Following the most kindest, generous and supportive chat, my health visitor didn’t feel like PND was the culprit. Her hour-long assessment led her to a tentative conclusion (which she discussed with me), that perhaps the lack of support I was experiencing was increasing my anxiety levels.

This heightened state of overwhelm was placing me in desperate moments of helplessness, leading me to believe that I couldn’t cope with the changes in my life.

She was spot on.

I had previously experienced depression to the point of deep despair and I knew I wasn’t feeling that way during this time but I wasn’t sure if I was merely at the beginning stages of it.

This talk certainly helped me to gain perspective and realise the truth of my situation – which was mostly ‘normal’ and that my literal situation was circumstantial and could therefore be navigated through the appropriate support.

Talking therapy was my preferred action step and we both agreed it would be a helpful tool at this point especially to help decipher if anything more serious was laying dormant.

Re-organising priorities

I can happily report that therapy is working (again) and is absolutely exactly what I needed. A space to vent, to share with non-judgement, to gain insight and to steer me towards a more calm and empowered state of mind.

Therapy was definitely the solution for navigating the changes in my life but there were also existing elements that required my immediate attention so that I could be able to cope better with everyday life.

These included:

• Cleaning the house
• Food shopping and cooking
• Washing up/ putting dishes away
• Washing clothes/ putting them away/ ironing
• My 8 year old’s needs
• My 6 month old’s needs
• My husband (mostly on the back-burner if I’m honest)
• My health
• My work

All relatively ‘normal’ aspects of life but which felt almost impossible to stay on top of once the baby arrived.

I needed to step back and go back to basics.

The hierarchy of needs was my go-to.

I had to go back to the bottom of the pyramid and ensure that I was able to cope with the basics. I’d then be able to move up the pyramid slowly, once I had created space and able to add more.

Whilst I know that the pyramid could do with a little refresh, the basis of the triangle is still mostly relevant.

I couldn’t breathe. So I had to start at the bottom.

Over the course of a month, I’ve stripped back to absolute base needs for all of us and focussed on improving those areas so that I don’t fall into overwhelm as often.

It has been lovely to be able to say that I’m now sitting in the space between Love and belonging and self-esteem (in the triangle) which is why I’m able to start writing to you again.

Progressing in my ghost year

I still plan on staying a little “ghost” as the year progresses because I’m finding that some of the elements I’ve removed during this “quiet time” have affected my health in wonderful ways and for that, I’m immensely grateful for those lessons.

My client sessions have also been immensely different. I find myself calmer and more in control of myself in session. I share everything I’m learning with my clients too (in real time) so they’re also getting the benefits of this break I’m taking.

So far, so good.

Insights from the first month

I’m currently moving towards my income goals and how best to approach them.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I know myself really well.

It’s a confidence and self-belief that I’m very familiar with but which I lost many years ago when I was made redundant on maternity leave.

I’ve bounced back 9 years later and not a minute too soon!

Thankfully, I can reflect and fully acknowledge this great feat!

Go ghost for a year

So that’s the first bit of the journey of going ghost for a year. I hope to share more insights with you in the coming months to inspire your journey to personal mastery as well.

I appreciate it’s still early days and the savings are slowly dwindling but I have faith that this is exactly what I need to do right now. I’m confident that the learnings from this time will have a hugely beneficial effect on not only me, but on everyone I get to meet.

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